Jason Voorhees Vs Michael Myers: Who Would Win?

Long before Freddy Vs. Jason the movie, when it was just a debate between horror fans.  Way back before the interwebs I always thought the debate between Freddy Vs Jason was idiotic.  A completely stupid idea.  The people I know that talked about it fit into one of two categories.  The average person that couldn’t give a shit about horror movies but knew about Freddy and Jason.  And, there was the the uber nerd who also wasn’t really a horror fan either but debated it because it gave them a chance to analyze something that non-nerds seemed to also care about.  The real question was Jason Voorhees Vs Michael Myers and who would win?

This is back in the 80’s when nerds were just starting to make a stand and pick themselves up and brush off the sand and dirt that jocks had been kicking on them since the dawn of time. There were two kinds of nerds.  As mentioned the “uber nerd” that was introverted, socially awkward and totally afraid to stand up for his or selves. They mostly became serial killers ironically.  The other kind of nerd was the smart, witty, focused nerd.  The two over the decades have evolved into the sort of super nerds we know and love today.  Myself being one them.

As I have stated, I thought the concept of Freddy Vs. Jason was idiotic and I still do today.  I believe this because it takes two kinds of horror genre’s and clashes them together in a silly way that does a disservice to each character.  Kind of like the second Aliens Vs. Predator movie.  But, even that movie, at least battled two characters from the same genre making it way better than then even the concept of Freddy Vs. Jason.

I just want to briefly insert that it’s okay to clash genre’s.  It’s dangerous when you take it and make a movie out of it.  You really have to know what you’re doing to pull it off nevertheless.  Also, I don’t have a problem with sitting around the campfire and musing over who would win between Freddy and Jason.  But, it’s more of conversation that is best when drunk or stoned.  It sounds like a good idea at the time but then when you’re sober, you think, “Oh, wait?!  That’s stupid.”

The real debate or question I have maintained is Jason Voorhees Vs Michael Myers, who would win?  This is the question that true horror fans get.  It’s a natural question, both characters live in similar worlds.  Both characters have a supernatural quality while still maintaining it’s slasher genre.  The pairing makes sense.  I hope it’s never made into a movie.  (Though, I openly admit that I would totally go see it.)  It is a debate that is worthy of discussion because each character, as I said, live in the same horror movie type world.

Jason Voohrees is physically strong and will break into a sprint to catch your ass if he has to.  Though, he’s not too bright and is pretty easy to out think.  Michael Myers on the other hand, is smart.  He will chase you but he’s not going to go running after you.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.  He knows, sooner or later you’re going to do something stupid and he can just stab you later.

So when it comes to Jason Voorhees Vs Michael Myers who would win and why?

Michael Myers of course.  Myers is smart, strong and is filled with a silent rage that is truly pure evil.  I am talking about the real Michael Myers, not the new Rob Zombie Myers.  I am not going to shit all over his predictable remaking of it.  It’s just that his Michael Myers was a complete misunderstanding of the character but it’s a rant for another time.  I totally respect what he tried to do but it I feel that his Myers was basically just a crybaby with mental issues.  So let’s be clear, I am talking about old school Michael Myers.  Halloween, Halloween II & IV.  I’m still trying to forget parts 5 and 6.  Though, I am planning to give the later Halloweens with Jaime Lee another chance.  But, I digress.

Here’s how the battle between the two is going to happen.  For some reason Jason is going to go after Myers.  Who knows why?  He’s got mommy issues but whatever, I don’t judge.  His attack will be brutal against Myers, I don’t deny that.  More so, if Myers doesn’t see it coming.  Myers will, I have no doubt, take a bit of an ass beating at first.  But, there’s going to come a point where Myers will pick himself up off the ground, stare down Jason for a moment and then slowly cock his head and methodically analyzing the situation.  Jason at this point, if he has any brains at all, is going to shit himself and then run away.

Of course we know Jason isn’t too bright and is going to come at Myers again.  Myers isn’t going to move a muscle until Jason is right up on him.  Myers will quickly raise his arm and grab Jason by the throat, probably lifting him off the ground while he flails about. Myers will calmly continue squeezing Jason’s throat until his neck snaps and his lifeless body falls to the ground.  And, if Jason starts to move again, Myers would drop to one knee and start stabbing Jason again and again until there’s nothing left but a thick, wet, sinewy pulp.

Fade to black.

The End.