Deadgirl 2008 A Not So Quick Review

Deadgirl 2008 A Not So Quick Review

Deadgirl 2008 Poster

The Deadgirl centers around two less than popular high school kids who find a girl chained to a bed in the basement of an abandoned mental hospital. They soon discover that she cannot die.

I didn’t hear about “Deadgirl” until a few years after its release. It sounded creepy and haunting. The person I know that had seen it said it was really good. One of the best horror movies he had seen in a long time. Yesterday I started to write an article for Bad Horror Movies titled, 7 Underrated Horror Movies You Need To See. I was so sure that I was going to like Deadgirl that I added it to the list. Doing so because I really thought it was going to turn out to be an underrated horror movie. One of the reasons I had put off watching Deadgirl was because over the years I had to come to learn that the person who recommended this movie to me is an asshole. However, I had seen this movie on a few lists of must see’s so I was hopeful.

This afternoon, I made a huge salad, fake crab, chicken it was spectacular. Seriously, I made the best salads. Anyways, I sat down in my recliner and hit play. I was so excited. Been waiting years for to watch this movie, it was going to be disgusting, offensive and it would make me think and question my very existence! Five minutes in, I was starting to feel like I had been duped. Thirty minutes in, it so disappointing, I wanted to turn it off. Thoughts of calling the person who recommended this turd to me and telling them that they have no taste in movies at all, flashed through my head.

Every expectation I had for Deadgirl was not met. Yet in order to explain I have to give away a spoiler, it’s not a huge spoiler because the tagline for the film was, “You Never Forget Your First Time.” So, if you haven’t figured it out yet, these kids find a girl. She cannot die. They keep her chained and rape her daily. There is no way it wasn’t rape. Their rationalizations were ridiculous. Please don’t think that I was like offended and that’s why I didn’t like Deadgirl. I wasn’t. It’s just that I didn’t buy what these kids were selling. Hell, under the right circumstances I would have hit it. The dead girl was fine, in a hot zombie girl kinda way.

This is the problem with Deadgirl. They tried to sell it as some sort of dead erotica with a “what would you do?” theme and it failed. The biggest reason it failed, is that you have to give a shit about at least one the protagonists. The two main kids, were fucking douchebags. One was a coward, the other was a rapist deviant that literally got off on treating the dead girl badly. From killing her multiple times or rather, attempting to raping her and humiliating her. The only fucking likeable person in Deadgirl, was the dead girl. Deadgirl should have been about the dead girl. She was the most fucking interesting character in this movie and yet, the story really didn’t have much use for her other than a prop some of the kids acted around.

Instead the writers seemed to have thought that this was some kind of look into what two high school rejects would do with a girl that couldn’t die. For that work, at all, you need to make at least one of the fuckers interesting, or at the very least, likeable. I just didn’t buy into Rickie’s character. He didn’t like the idea of his friend, JT (Noah Segan) raping the dead girl. Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez) was supposed to be the likeable guy. Well, he was a fucking coward and an idiot. Nothing to like about him, at all.

There was a scene where Rickie gets his ass kicked by the boyfriend of the girl he likes. The ass kicker is “the jock” so of course, he’s also an asshole. If you’re gonna have a “jock” in a movie, he’s gotta be an asshole I guess. I think I was supposed to feel bad for Rickie when he was getting his ass kicked? I didn’t. Mainly I was torn between wondering which one of these dumbfucks I hate more.

For more than 90 minutes I sat through this terribly shallow pile of crap looking for a reason to like it and not finding one. This story had so much potential to be a true darkly erotic and horrifying tale. Instead its attempts at having any kind of death was just embarrassing. You know that really dumb friend you have? The one that every once a while has what they think is a really deep thought? And, you’re thinking to yourself, “Jesus dude, I like pondered that once when I was 9 for like a minute and moved on.” Everyone in this movie was like friend. Well, except for the dead girl and the dog. Both had more depth than all the other characters combined.

Who is going to like this movie? Shallow people that get off on rape. People that are just pretending to actually contemplate, “is it really rape if she’s dead?” So, for the shallow people. I’ll give this movie a slightly better rating than it deserves. I justify this simply for the actress, Jenny Spain who played the dead girl. She did manage to make being dead look hot. I thought she did a wonderful job with her character, with what limited time she had on the screen.

Oh and one last thing, the acting was fine here. I do not mean to take away from that. I thought for the most part all the acting was at least okay. The special effects were more than decent. It just really fails at the story level and even a bit at the direction. Just so many missed opportunities here.

One more last thing. Shallow people, this is for you. I am not dissing you. We all have are shallow moments. If you happened to like this movie and don’t consider yourself to be a shallow person. It’s possible you’re not. I would love to hear from you. Your reasoning’s for liking this turd would be fascinating to me. Maybe you could even get me to see this movie in a different light? And, if you like this movie, good. We all like different stuff and I am glad you found something you enjoyed. As for me personally, I just don’t see it. So who knows, maybe I’m the one being shallow?

Watch the Trailer

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The Witch 2015 Quick Review

The Witch 2015 Quick Review

The Witch 2015 Poster | Bad Horror Movies

The Witch is about an New-England family that chooses to be become outcasts from their community and move out into the forest where they soon have to fight the forces of evil, black magic and possession.

I waited for months and months to see The Witch. I hadn’t heard a bad word about it. Of course I didn’t look at any actual reviews. If I really want to see something I don’t really care what the reviews say so I don’t seek them out. The time finally came for me to see it. I made sure I could watch it at night, alone, lights out. No interruptions except that of my popcorn and very full 52-ounce mug of ice water. I was ready to be scared. Scared like seeing the exorcist as child for the first time, scared. What I got instead was a level of disappointment I have not yet recovered from.

It’s been a month or two since I first saw The Witch. I wanted to give it time before I reviewed it. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t overreact to it in my review and that I was able to treat it fairly. I am still not sure if I can do that. But, I will give it a try. There are many great things about the movie. The acting is superb. The location is creepy and cold. The costumes are so real looking. Everything about this movie feels authentic. It’s exactly what I pictured that time in American history to be like. They couldn’t have done a better job of capturing that existence in my opinion.

Here’s where it all goes to shit. First, it’s boring. Not just slow boring. It’s tedious boring. It’s dear God that I don’t believe in, please bring this suffering of mine to end, boring. The accent of the father is so fucking thick I couldn’t understand half of what he’s saying. It sounded like mumbles that soon just became laughable to me. Their religious fervor was driving me insane. I mean, these religious nutjobs were more than just that, they were literally cowards, afraid of their own shadows. Their blatant ignorance and obedience to a god that so obviously doesn’t give two shits about them was pathetic.

The father, was so afraid of his own shadow. I just couldn’t respect him after a while. I tried to, he was so supportive of his daughter at first that I was at least able to respect him for that until he let his faith in his imaginary friend over take his common sense. The mother was fucking bonkers as well. The two smaller kids were seriously creepy and I don’t think they were supposed to be. The only things not completely fucking annoying in The Witch were the two oldest kids and the fucking goat!

My daughter-in-law loved this movie. I just don’t get it. There was nothing scary about this it. It’s called The Witch and we see the witch once or twice. This isn’t a movie about a witch. It’s about a bat shit crazy religious family that is afraid of their own shadows. Fearful that every little thing they do is going to cause Jesus to punish them. The total time of the witch on film, I think is about 3 minutes. I am not joking. The only thing remotely creepy about this movie besides the setting and the two youngest children is the talking goat. And, we’re not even treated to that little tidbit until the end. And even then, we don’t really get see it. For all we know it’s just that character finally regressing into the insanity like everyone else.

I could spend all day shitting on this movie. It’s not scary, it’s barely interesting, and it’s so boring. If you haven’t see it and want to, I’ve got a link below to go get it. Please, let me know if you disagree with me and why. Let me know what about this movie scared you or entertained you. I love a good story, I love suspense and great acting but I felt no suspense, the acting was great but it was built around story that played out in the most boring ways possible, in my opinion. Let me know what about The Witch that made you think it, “Oh ya, now this is how horror movies should be.”

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Bite 2015 Quick Review

Bite 2015 Quick Review

Bite 2015 Poster | Bad Horror Movies
Bite 2015 centers around the aftermath of a bachelorette trip getaway. Casey, the bride to be is bitten by an insect during the trip and also has maybe a little too much fun during the trip that has left feeling more than a little bit guilty but also increasingly sicker as time goes by.

Bite is a movie I have been wanting to see for a while now. Not knowing what it’s about and only going by what the poster suggests, I’m thinking, creepy, yet oddly hot zombie girl and a fun time. There’s a more good to say about this movie than there is bad. The acting is also more than adequate. The makeup and special effects for the most part a pretty damn good. However, some of the makeup effects I think were blown. But, before we dive into the makeup effects let’s talk about the acting and the story first.

I thought the acting was just fine. Some of the dialog could have been a little better. I don’t care how good an actor you are, if the dialog isn’t great, no amount of acting can save it. An example of what I am talking about takes place towards the beginning of Bite. Jill, played by Annette Wozniak almost snaps at Casey, the bride to be, while on vacation. My first reaction was, “Damn girl, you pretty much just told one of your best friends that you want to bang her man.” I felt in that moment, the dialog was maybe giving away something to look out for later in the film. And, I was right. I think it would have played better if it were subtler.

That moment shouldn’t have been as obvious in my opinion. It’s that kind of obviousness that keeps Bite from being the completely fun, gross and an overall cool film that it should have been. Obviousness is actually the key problem with Bite. Almost everything about this movie is Obvious to everyone but the characters and that’s the real shame here.

While on vacation we know Casey gets bit by something. Shortly after arriving home she’s showing some irritation at the site of the bite mark. At first, I’m like okay that she’s ignoring the bite mark. However, all too soon that shit starts spreading and oozing and she does absolutely nothing about it. I mean, it was so obvious that she needed to seek medical attention. What does Casey do? Take a hot bath.

Bite Elma Begovic | Bad Horror Movies

Look I’m a creepy old man, I’ll take a cute, hot chick in the bath all day. Throw some gratuitous boobies at me, totally fine with that. But, we don’t even get that. So, she’s taking a hot bath hoping that’s going to help the bubbling infected growth on her? So instead of thinking, hot girl, bath, boobs, best movie ever! We are forced to focus on the fact that she is too stupid to seek medical attention.

By the time Casey does decide to seek medical attention it’s like way past when any of us would have gone to the emergency room. Instead, she talks to a doctor by phone and he suggests some antibiotic type creams. I mean come on! It’s these kinds of things that just begin to piss us off after a while. They aren’t enough so far to make me give up on the movie. There is, after all, the story behind the bite wound, the guilt she has over cheating on her fiancé during the trip and having little to no memory of it at all.

There’s a side story about the apartment manager, who is also a real bitch and her soon to be mother-in-law. There’s the fiancé who is completely oblivious to the bitch that his mother and that is really frustrating. Then add to it that none of these are ever properly resolved. They do get resolved but they are unfulfilling. Kinda like when there’s that bad guy in the movie and you just can’t wait for him or her to get what’s coming to them. But, when they do, it’s just not good enough, that’s kinda of what happens here.

Then there’s the makeup effects. Most of them are really pretty good. However, they missed the mark a couple of times and I think it became the biggest reason this movie didn’t become a smash success. The first example of this is the final makeup we see our lovely bite victim Casey in. It’s got some problems. It has the potential to look so cool! But, it just misses the mark. The color, the texture is all amazing. The eyes, but then you look at Casey and she’s get this shit on chin that looks like an overgrown soul patch. I’m guessing it’s supposed to like the dried version of the shit she keeps spitting up. But, it just makes her look she’s sporting facial hair and it’s just not working.

The makeup’s not bad, but the rest of the makeup we see as she walks down the hall in that hoodie is just stunning! I mean it’s near perfection but that soul patch, make her look like dark orange Lurch from the Adam’s Family.

Bite Elma Begovic Makeup | Bad Horror Movies

There’s also Casey’s fingernails or fingers as she continues to evolve. They just look bad. The color changes abruptly on them and they just look like tiny cones stuck on her fingertips. It doesn’t ruin the makeup but it doesn’t it help it either. It could have been a nice effect but it gets muddied and looks more silly than scary.

Then it happens, she takes off the hoodie and sadly I almost laughed. Instead of making her fully bald or making what’s left of her hair do something cool, like a Mohawk or something, they go for a bald spot with long hair on the sides. It made her look like an old man. She went from creepy hot, to looking like a decayed, hippie Bernie Sanders. All she was missing was his glasses. It just ruined the whole look. I mean it was dazzling, even with the soul patch thing but that hair, it just ruined it. I wanted to be more into the ending but I couldn’t take my eyes off that bald spot and hair.

The story is decent. It’s interesting for sure. It starts off slower than I would have liked and I wish it dealt better with situations Casey was going through. There was just too much confusion going on here. Casey at times seems like she has already made up her mind, that she wants to break up with her fiancé. Then moments later she wants it to work. Then she’s unsure? I understand that she could be having doubts but it didn’t play like that. It should have played like she was just confused about what to do. Instead it played like there were multiple people writing the love story and each one wanted their version to play out and were completely oblivious as to what the others had written.

Also I would like to have seen an interest from Casey as to what the fuck was happening to her. I mean we have to accept that she’s dumb enough to not go to an emergency and has no interest in learning about what is happening to her. Not one Google search on bug bites from exotic locals? All that time alone in her apartment and she’s the least bit interested in figuring out why she’s turning into a bug? Really?

Now, on to the good stuff. For the most part the acting is fine and there’s just something about the actress who plays Casey. Elma Begovic is wonderful in the role. She plays it well, despite her character being forced to do some really stupid things. I found her to be almost hypnotic. She carries the film well. Her two friends Jill and Kirsten played by Annette Wozniak and Denise Yuen are delights as well. Another stand out is the soon to be mother-in-law, Mrs. Kennedy, played by Lawrene Denkers. She played the bitch role of the mother-in-law to perfection. I loved to hate her.

Bite Lawrene Denkers | Bad Horror Movies

In conclusion, the movie isn’t bad, it’s a great date night movie, it’s got the gross out moments for sure and if you can get past the stupid stuff Casey does. Then it’s a good time to be had. Overall I am on the bubble with this one. I can’t fully recommend it but I do believe it is worth seeing if you’re a true horror fan or just looking for a decent gross out movie. It does start off slow and it starts off as if it’s a found footage film, it’s not. The video works as both flashback and memory for Casey. The video tells the story in many ways. But it’s not a found footage movie so don’t let that scare you off.

I’ve added the link below to The Bite on Amazon Prime. Check it out and let me know what you think.

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The Dead Room 2015 Quick Review

The Dead Room 2015 Quick Review

The Dead Room Poster

The Dead Room is about a 3 person team of ghost hunters hired by an insurance company (I think) to investigate the home a family head has recently fled. The team consists of two scientist/skeptics and psychic. Soon the presence makes itself known and 2/3rds of the team wants to leave immediately. They are convinced to stay and devise a plan to rid the house of the menacing spirit once and for all.

First I want to say that the poster for The Dead Room is so misleading. Nothing like what is pictured even comes close to happening in this movie.

I watched this other night and it was slow going but I was liking it. The characters were believable. All of them were just interesting to look at it. I liked the premise of The Dead Room. I like that it was two scientists and a psychic. I think psychics are pure quackery however they make great characters for supernatural movies. Seriously, Poltergeist wouldn’t have been as good without Zelda Rubinstein‘s character telling us, “This house is clean.” So, I’m all for psychics in these types of films.

As mentioned the story is slow going, it doesn’t tell you what’s going on at first. In fact as it started I kind felt like maybe I had missed the beginning. That being said, it’s okay. It’s not hard to figure out who these people are and eventually what they’re doing there. I liked the slow build of the film and not only were the characters interesting enough, the acting above average. Jeffery Thomas as Scott Cameron has an almost hypnotic pretense and there wasn’t a moment I didn’t believe he was a real scientist. Jed Brophy as the other scientist, Liam Andrews, was a pleasure to see again and he played off Thomas’s character to perfection.  Then last but not least the character of Holly Mathews, the psychic played by Laura Petersen. She played her part with a strength and vulnerability that was near enchanting. Couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I’m much looking forward to whatever she does next.

 Laura Petersen in The Dead Room | Bad Horror Movies

The Dead Room is played out over a few nights as the ghost hunters try to capture evidence of the supernatural entity that is haunting this home. Not much happens at first and yet its still interesting. Another plus is that very rarely does anyone do anything stupid. There’s no gore to speak of, as I recall. A couple of jump scares, some suspense, a little bit of action but most of all, an interesting story. It’s like you’re there with these people. I was really enjoying The Dead Room right up until the ending.

For me, the ending killed this movie. Film makers just don’t seem to understand what makes a good ending. And, when you have a movie that is mostly story and you don’t wrap it all up at the end, you’ve failed. I don’t care how good a movie is, if the ending sucks the movie is going to bomb. About the only exception to the rule is Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. One of the worst ending of all time. I mean that movie was fascinating all the through it. It’s an entire about why this birds are attacking and then it just ends with no answer given. Like Alfred just offered up a big “Fuck You!” to the audience and walked away. And, people ate that shit up and asked for more.

The Dead Room Cast | Bad Horror Movies

So here’s the thing and the reason I am on the bubble with this one. Some may like it. It’s an interesting story with a great cast. But, if you’re like me and like a little resolution at the end of your movies, you’re going to walk away from this film disappointed. Personally, an ending like this to me says the writers just had no idea how to end the movie so they went for something cheap and hoped for the best. I think they failed. Maybe you will disagree.

I will say, that if they made a sequel to this movie I would look forward to seeing it in the hopes that they would wrap up the many unanswered questions leftover from the first film.

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The Other Side of the Door 2016 Quick Review

The Other Side of the Door 2016 Quick Review

The Other Side of the Door Poster Image

The Other Side of the Door is about a young couple living in India and trying to come to terms with the loss of a child. The mother feels terrible guilt over the loss of her son and is told of an ancient ritual that will allow her to talk to her son one last time to say goodbye. But, there are rules that must be followed and in a moment of desperation she breaks the rules causing a disturbance between the boundaries of life and death.

I have to admit that I put off watching this for a while because of the preview. The preview shows a character being told the rules to follow and of course the first thing they do is not follow the rules. The second that happens it takes me out of the moment and I feel they deserve every bad thing that’s going to happen to them. Very rarely can a character break the rules and still have me interested in the story.

If the rules are going to be broken then I have to understand why the character ignored the rules. It has to make sense to me. I have to sit there and think, “would have done or can I understand why they did it and accept it?” 9 times out of 10 a character will ignore the rules for no other reason than they are an idiot. That’s usually a sign of bad writing. However, in The Other Side of the Door, they didn’t do that. I understand why made the lead character did what she did and I have to admit that there was a part of me that wondered if I too would have done the same thing. This moment in the film was so well done and believable. You have nothing but compassion for this person.

There are so many things to like about The Other Side of the Door. The acting, the story, the scenery I could go on and on. I supposed what I liked the most about it was the ending. I won’t ruin it for you. I will just say that as the movie was coming to an end I was feeling disappointed in it. The entire film was interesting and had a wonderful eerie feel to it but it appeared they were going to blow the ending and it was starting to feel the disappointment. Then, it did something that was just perfect. I’m not saying it’s a happy ending or a sad ending I am just saying it’s good, “Whoa!” ending.

Who will like this movie? Adults, mature teens, people with a good amount of life experience. I doubt very much shallow people will be able to appreciate it. If you’re looking for boobs and gore I’d skip this one. But, if you want a movie with a good story, suspense with a couple of scares thrown in, I think you will really enjoy The Other Side of the Door.

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