Thanatomorphose 2013 Review

by | Sep 3, 2016

Thanatomorphose Poster Image

Thanatomorphose is about a young woman who wakes up one day showing signs of decay. Thanatomorphose is a French word meaning the visible signs of an organism’s decomposition caused by death.

I really wanted to like Thanatomorphose as mentioned in my last review I am in the middle of writing a new article about underrated films. I made a list of 7 films, actually, it was more than 7. There were two movies I put on that list that I had not scene but have wanted to for a while now. Deadgirl and Thanatomorphose. I was positive I was going to enjoy both these movies. So positive that I added them to the article. I am still working on the article but I thought these two films would be perfect. So with the long weekend upon us I planned to spend my Friday night watching these two films so that I could complete my list this morning.

Instead of completing my new article, I have to write this review because I can’t keep Thanatomorphose on my list of underrated horror movies. This movie was so boring I kept pausing it thinking it had be near over and it never was. At one point, I was sure it had been like a half-hour since the last time I checked, it had only been 11 fucking minutes! So, I am here sipping my coffee writing this review instead of completing my article on underrated horror movies.

I don’t plan to completely shit on this movie. There are some good qualities. Mainly when it finally faded to black and the credits rolled. But, before I get into what was good about the movie, let me discuss why this movie failed. So many reasons, I don’t have time to discuss them all.

First, the acting wasn’t that good. It just wasn’t. Second, it was too dark. I don’t mean the content, I mean, it was just too dark to make shit out most of the time. I am sure there were some really good effects but they were lost in the low light and that is a true shame. Third, the story. At face value, this had everything going for it. What a fun, dark idea for a story. Sadly, there really wasn’t a story. It was mostly, all visual, little dialog and zero fucking explanation as to what the fuck was going on.

For example. There are a couple of times our main character Laura (Kayden Rose) actually refuses to go to the hospital. This makes no fucking sense at all. But, I can accept it, she’s depressed, feeling nothing and so on. That’s fine but a few times throughout the film, her guy friends stop by and see how fucking terrible she looks. They offer to take her to the hospital. She refuses, she seduces them, they leave. Being a guy. Being single. Always horny. I get it. But, there a came a time when it was just time to call 911. Seriously, if you’re holding on to woman’s head, wrapped in a bandage while she blows you and it starts to bleed, it’s time to call for help. You want to drop your load first, fine. But, then you call for an ambulance, stat!

Thanatomorphose No I'm Fine

Just got done having sex walks to the bathroom and passes out. Boyfriend be like, I’ll just put her back to bed and leave. I’m sure she’s fine.

Yet another example of poor story telling. At one point, out of nowhere, there was scene I don’t understand. As it happened, I thought, “Oh, shit, I get it!” Then, what I thought they were doing, wasn’t what they were doing. It appeared to me for like a second that maybe she was already dead and on the autopsy table living out the end in her mind. All that we had seen had just been a delusion. Nope! It was just a weird delusion she had while past out, continuing to decay and refusing to do fuck all about it.

At one point I started laughing. Thanatomorphose became in many ways like that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The scene where the Knight keeps lopping off parts of the guy guarding the bridge. Meanwhile the guard is shouting back, “It’s just a flesh wound!” This film was sadly, tedious and boring.

I wanted to like it but it literally was just a movie about a girl that for some unknown reason just started to decay. There was no other story. There was never an explanation. You are left sitting there for more than an hour and a half wondering if anything is every going to happen other than watching shit ooze from her body and fucking the two men her in her life. That’s it. And, none of it was interesting to watch. It was slow going. Even the fucking sex was boring.

Thanatomorphose She's Fine

Ok, she’s blowing me but her head is in bandage that’s bleeding on me. Do I call 911? Nah, I’ll finish then leave awkwardly.

Now, onto the good. Some of the special effects were well done. Mostly the bruising on Laura at the beginning. I thought those were really well done. The more serious her decay became, I felt it got a little too muddy. However, I think it was just the bad lighting that made the make up look more like they just covered her in ooze instead of doing a real makeup.

Kayden Rose’s acting at times was pretty good. At other times, it came across as awkward and forced. But, I have to give her credit. She is full frontal naked a lot. I mean, seriously. I frame-by-frammed it once because I thought, I saw something in a flash and I couldn’t believe she was really that naked, and yes she was. That takes an amazing level of commitment. Kayden Rose has so much potential. I can’t wait to see what she does next.

Also noteworthy. There are a few moments of male full frontal nudity in Thanatomorphose. That too takes commitment. It’s just that when compared to what Kayden Rose must have endured shooting this movie, it’s just doesn’t even compare.

One last note. The writer and director Éric Falardeau tried to do something interesting here. As much as I think this movie failed. I have to give him credit for the attempt. I would love to see this movie remade but with an effort to actually tell a story. There really wasn’t a story here. I think the goal was to let the decay just be the story. If that’s the case, it still failed. There had to be a reason why Laura just let it happen other than she was feeling void of feeling or depressed. If the audience is left to wonder what’s going and why the entire time they get bored. It’s nice to let the audience work for it a little but at some point, you have to show your cards and Éric Falardeau as the writer and director never of Thanatomorphose never does and that’s a real shame.

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