Raiders of the Lost Shark!
Four friends set out by boat for an idyllic vacation on a private, remote island. But unknown to them, a weaponized shark has escaped from a top secret military lab nearby, a shark that was genetically engineered with hate in its blood, and programmed to hunt any human within range. Now, these friends must band together to battle an all new brand of predator who will stop at nothing to remain at the top of the food chain. – Written by Wild Eye Releasing
Well, I said on my twitter last night that I was going to watch a bad horror movie and then go to bed… and I wasn’t lying. The movie I chose was Raiders of the Lost Shark. I just spent a week enjoying Shark Week on the Discovery Channel but it just wasn’t enough for me. I needed more shark in my life! Sadly after watching this movie, I still need more shark in my life.
The only things I can really say for sure about this movie is that the acting was bad. The Directing was bad. The screenplay was bad. The special effects were laughable and that I now have a crush on one of the stars of the film. In fact, I was going to follower her on Twitter but knowing I was going to write this review, I didn’t. Seriously, if I’m going to cyber stalk yet another actress, shouldn’t I at least not trash her movie? I don’t really know the answer. So I haven’t hit the follow button yet. I probably will, though because I have no shame.
The look I get when I’ve asked a girl out that is way out of my league.
Anyways. This movie is about a lake with a shark problem a mad scientist and a college professor that is hired to kill the shark. Now, one would think that a movie titled, Raiders of the Lost Shark would maybe in some make reference to its namesake. It doesn’t. At least if it did, it was too subtle for me to notice. The movie instead is filled with bad sets. Bad locations and bad jokes.
I get that this movie did try to be funny. It did try to make fun of the horror genre. It’s just that it failed. Some of it was due to the bad acting and some of it was due to the bad editing and direction. For example, there was a nonsensical scene involving a girl (Jessica Huether as May) trying to quickly swim back to shore, while holding her cell phone to her ear all while trying to not be the sharks next victim. She makes it back to shore and I guess passes out on the shore or maybe she was just resting, I don’t know. But, when we come back to her, she grabs her cell phone and is about to make a call or something and then pauses to note what great reception she has.
It could have been really funny but it was edited badly. Maybe it was the delivery by the actress. It’s hard to tell. But, I know what they were trying to do with the scene. At least I think I get what they were trying to with the scene. But, that is just another problem with the film. It’s scenes like that. Had it been edited correctly and shot correctly it could have been a really funny moment. Instead, it just kinda lays flat.
There was a what I think was a reference to The Rocky Horror Picture Show a few times when a character or two shout out, “Damn it Janet!” I didn’t get it why though? If there was a reason, it was over my head. The film is called Raiders of the Lost Shark and it’s references had nothing to do with Raiders of the Lost Ark. In fact I don’t even really recall it referencing anything else and that’s a shame. There was some great potential for some fun to be had here but it just missed every beat.
Ok, make that three good things about this movie. I totally forgot about this awesome scene with boobies and the killer shark in one fantastic moment.
And, then there was the terribly bad continuity for lack of a better word. Most of the scenes shot at the beach were overcast. It looked cold out and it’s supposed to be about people in bikinis at the beach. Seriously, it started to snow in one scene. Another example, at one point a character is in her bikini top when she is confronted by the mad scientist. He comes out of nowhere and throws her a leather jacket for no reason. You think he’s there to help though everything else he is saying and doing suggests that he’s not.
So why did he throw her the jacket? You want to pay attention to what’s going on in the scene but you can’t because you keep waiting for someone to mention the jacket. Seriously, it’s goes completely ignored. The scene is about a creepy mad scientist and young vulnerable women. But, it’s like we’re supposed to completely ignore that he just tossed her a leather jacket for no reason. Then it just dawns on you that it didn’t have anything to do with the story. It had to do with the fact that they were filming it during the winter and it’s in Canada and it’s fucking cold outside.
Because why wouldn’t there be small end table with a phone on it in the middle of nowhere.
Now, there are some good things about this movie. Two things that I can think of at the moment. First up is the main character Reynolds played by Candice Lidstone. As much as I want to say her acting was great, I can’t. But, there’s just something about her that I found almost hypnotic. I couldn’t get enough of her. She had this natural confidence about herself and a presence on film that I found enjoyable to watch. The acting, not so good in this movie but to be fair to her and the rest of the cast I can’t be all too sure that it wasn’t so much bad acting as it was bed editing and directing. But still, there was for sure something about her that made the whole film tolerable.
The other good thing about the film was that it’s only about an hour and ten minutes and the end credits are literally over 7 minutes long. So if you decided to watch this on Amazon Prime or buy the DVD you’re not throwing away the usual hour and forty minutes of the standard feature film.
Cat of Characters:
Candice Lidstone … Reynolds
Jessica Huether … May
Catherine Mary Clark … Janet