Paranormal Island 2014!
When 3 college kids take a summer job its a chance of a lifetime to bartend at a bar in the middle of a lake! The bar has been around for over a hundred years and is presumed by many locals to be haunted, after the owner killed himself many years before. Unfortunately they miss the last boat off the island and are stuck trying to find a way off. As darkness falls, they quickly realize things are very different after hours as they are hunted by the paranormal caretaker.
– Written by Fillipe Marabiza
Just when you think it’s safe to watch a movie with Lance Henriksen in it. This movie is such a disappointment. It’s rated R and for what I have no idea? Maybe it’s because Ben Elliott’s character Jerry is such an amazing douche that the MPAA calls for an R rating in the hopes that small children will not be effected. Lance Henriksen gives his usual performance. But, he’s not in the movie long enough to help it.
There’s no reason to care about any of the characters in this movie. And, Ben Elliot’s character Jerry is so stupid, it hurts. There is nothing lovable about his character. He’s stupid, he’s not funny, his inconsiderate, shallow and the list goes on. He does somewhat redeem himself at the end of the movie. But to be honest, it’s too late. By this point in the film, if you’re still watching, you’re either a critic like me that feels obligated to sit through every un-thrilling and boring minute. Or, you’re a masochist.
Our brave characters head out in the morning to the island bar. Just a short jaunt across the lake that for some reason takes all day as it’s night when they arrive. That could happen.
It just wasn’t scary. I think that’s what it all comes down to. This kind movie teases with sex but doesn’t pay off with it. It teases with a ghost story and doesn’t pay off at all with the ghost. There’s no mystery. We know why the ghost is haunting this tiny bar and it’s stupid. I mean, apparently he is just haunting the bar because he’s a douchebag. Nothing pays off in this film.
For example, our main character “Mike” is a college student who has taken a job as a bartender on the island. Mike, played by Randy Wayne is doing his thesis on the paranormal hoaxes. He is the typical, shallow, thinks he knows everything, business student. This is expressed in a scene with our heroine “Ivy” played by the beautiful Briana Evigan. She is one of the island bar’s, bartenders. She’s happy with her job but Mike, comes off as obnoxious when explaining that he wants more, he wants a real job. He sees that his comments offends her and seems to care that he has done so. He tries to correct himself but only continues to bury himself further.
The scene was just written badly as it was hard to tell if we’re supposed to conclude that he’s sensitive and just said something badly and she’s overreacting or that he just doesn’t get it and is being a douche. Maybe it was supposed to be both? But, the simple facts remains that this is ghost story. I spent way too much time wondering if that scene was just bad writing or what instead of being led gleefully to the next scare.
The story itself just doesn’t make any sense. This ghost, supposedly the ghost of the guy who used to own the bar. He killed himself after losing the bar in a poker game. I don’t understand why he’s haunting the bar. However, he’s a ghost, I accept it. What I don’t get is that for some reason he only gives a shit about scaring and killing people after the bar closes. So he’s all about the party, but you don’t leave by closing and he kills you? Why? What kinda stupid ghost rule is that?
I almost forgot, the ghost is also very aquatic. He loves to pull you under. Ghost can do anything, in case you didn’t know, they are not bound to the laws of physics like you and I.
The movie tries to show some character growth and I applaud it for that. But, it just failed in it’s attempt to properly show it. Lacking any character growth, only teasing sex, not a single scare, and Jerry the douche’s constant idiocy, the movie was just frustratingly bad. It truly was a bad horror movie.
I think the film makers and even the writer have great potential to do some good work in the future. As for this movie, it just doesn’t work anyway you look at it.
Cast of Characters:
Brian Christensen … Shorty
Ben Elliott … Jerry
Briana Evigan … Ivy
Joe Farina … Officer Becker
Patrick Giraudi … Caretaker (voice)
Lance Henriksen … Carl
Eddie J. Fernandez Jr. … Bartender
Sarah Karges … Lori
Ashley Lobo … Sheila
Ben Marten … Scott
Steve Rally … Ghost Dad
Tony Valle … Andy
Quincy Villanueva … Bar Patron
Randy Wayne … Mike