Zombeavers 2014!

Zombeavers 2014!

Zombeavers 2014!

Zombeavers 2014ZOMBEAVERS is an action-packed horror/comedy in which a group of college kids staying at a riverside cabin are menaced by a swarm of deadly zombie beavers. A weekend of sex and debauchery soon turns gruesome as the beavers close in on the kids. Riding the line between scary, sexy and funny, the kids are soon fighting for their lives in a desperate attempt to fend off the hoard of beavers that attack them in and around their cabin.
– Written by Anonymous

This movie is almost great.  They missed a couple of beats that would have made it great.  Someone did an excellent job of casting the three young ladies that star in this film though.  They are cute and sexy and spend most of the time in tiny shorts and bikinis.  The humor is predictable but there’s a couple of moments that actually made me laugh out loud.

Zombeavers 2014 Rachel Melvin Cortney Palm Lexi Atkins

I just stared at this photo for about 5 minutes and I just could not come up with a single witty thing to say. I did however, drool a lot.

The cameos if you want to call them that were great.  Rex Linn best known as the detective from CSI Miami was fun to see.  Bill Burr has a small part and he’s always funny.  His co-worker is also hilarious but I won’t spoil it for anyone.  Chances are you won’t recognize him in his fake mustache and hair.  When you do find out who it is you’re going to want to watch it again because you won’t believe it was really him.

The thing that bothered me and please forgive this small spoiler, but they kill the dog!  Two things you don’t do in movies, you never go full retard and you never kill the dog.  If you do kill the dog you make sure that whomever is responsible for it pays for it!  That person or thing must suffer for it more than anyone else and in this case not only is the character not brutally killed enough, almost everyone pretty much forgives this asshole for what he did.

Had this movie made him really pay for it.  The dogs death would have paid off.  Now, this guys death was about as horrible as it can get for a guy but he killed a dog, it just wasn’t horrible enough.  And, that’s this films biggest mistake.  The filmmakers and others will disagree with me, but they would be wrong.  The reason this film isn’t the next Sharknado is because it misses the beats.  This guys death wasn’t enough.  I mean he was making out with one of the hot chicks when he dies!  That’s not suffering.

I certainly hope there’s a sequel, I hope they take a look other horror comedies like Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil and even Sharknado.  Even though, I have to admit I liked Zombeaves better than both Sharknados.  In my opinion Sharknado hit most of the beats but there was just too much cheese.  Cheese is great, don’t get me wrong but no one eats just cheese.  They like some wine or crackers with it.  Zombeavers has a lot going for it.  It’s got cheese, it’s got some decent acting it just needed to give us a hero we can root for and a villain other than the beavers whose death is gloriously fun and gruesome.

Zombeavers Kitchen Island with Cast

It finally sinks in that these are no ordinary beavers.

I think that was the problem here. There wasn’t a standout hero.  The girl you think is going to be the one to die first because she’s so obnoxious and unsympathetic, suddenly, for no reason at all becomes the smart compassionate one by the end of the film.  The girl you think is going to be our main character turns out to be kind of a shitty friend.  The heartbroken one doesn’t really get a chance to do anything.  Characters need to develop in a story but there has to be a reason or else everything they do seems out of character.  And, even in a goofy movie like Zombeavers or Sharknado if you don’t do that, you lose some of your audience.

So, yes if you’re looking for something stupid and fun, this movie will work for you.  It’s better than you think it’s going to be.  And, it’s for that reason I cared enough to say so much about it.

Oh and a couple of last things, the song at the end of the movie, EXCELLENT!  And, watch the bloopers during the credits and if you watch all the credits there’s a little something extra for you.

Cast of Characters:
Rachel Melvin    …     Mary
Cortney Palm    …     Zoe
Lexi Atkins    …     Jenn
Hutch Dano    …     Sam
Jake Weary    …     Tommy
Peter Gilroy    …     Buck
Rex Linn    …     Smyth
Brent Briscoe    …     Winston Gregorson

Jersey Shore Shark Attack 2012

Jersey Shore Shark Attack 2012

Jersey Shore Shark Attack 2012…

Jersey Shore Shark Attack 2012I have to first say that I am fan of Syfi Movies.  Most of them are so bad they’re good.  This isn’t quite one of those movies.  But, it would be unfair to trash it.  And, I will even go as far as to say it’s probably better than you think it is.  That is if you think the movie is total shit, it’s much better than that.  This is nowhere near as good Sharknado but it’s silly and fun and way more entertaining than Deliver Us from Evil!

I can’t give an in depth review of the movie because, well, it’s stupid, you know it’s stupid but if you’re anything like me you’re going to watch it and have a good time not having to think, at all, for 87 minutes.  Come on!  Albino Bull Sharks.  Seriously, what are you waiting for!

I look at it like this, it’s like getting see the cast of the Jersey Shore devoured by sharks.  Be honest, in the back of your mind, this has been something you’ve wanted to see for years so put it on your guilty pleasure list, have some fun and go with it.

Since I can’t give a serious review here’s the premise as taken from Amazon.com.

With summer in full swing and a record-breaking Fourth of July crowd soaking up the boardwalk sun, Seaside Heights is the place to be in New Jersey! But when an illegal coastal drilling operation inadvertently unleashes a horde of man-eating albino bull sharks, the city is hurled into deadly chaos! Can a local Jersey crew band together to fend off the blood thirsty, ravenous sharks before the whole town is consumed?

Jersey Shore Shark Attack Blood Bath

Jersey Shore Shark Attack – How Can You Say No To This?

Cast of Characters:
Jack Scalia … Moretti
Jeremy Luke … TC
Joseph Russo … Donnie (as Joey Russo)
Daniel Booko … Balzac
Melissa Molinaro … Nooki
Alex Mauriello … J-Moni
Audi Resendez … BJ
Tony Sirico … Captain Salie