Uninhabited 2010!

Uninhabited 2010!

Uninhabited 2010…

Uninhabited 2010 Geraldine Hakewill CoverUninhabited is a 2010 Australian horror film directed by Bill Bennett. The film premiered at the 2010 Cannes Film Festival and in Australia during the 2010 Melbourne International Film Festival. It tells the story of a young couple vacationing at a deserted island, later discovering it has a disturbing history.

Spoiler Alert: If this was based on a true story the main characters deserved what they got.  You shouldn’t be allowed to be this stupid and live.  I know that’s harsh.  But, too many smart people everyday thanks to stupid people.  I have little tolerance for them.  I also don’t get how this is based on true story if everyone dies at the end?  How does anyone know what in the hell happened to make a story about it?  If I cared enough about the movie, I’d look it up and found out.  But, it’s just not worth it.

Uninhabited 2010 Geraldine Hakewill and Henry James

I’m hot and smart but have low self esteem so I only date good looking guys with no brains.

I wanted to like this movie, I really don’t start watching movies hoping they suck.  From the moment I first saw Geraldine Hakewill as Beth, I was enchanted.  I just thought she was so beautiful.  At first I believed her character, she seemed to be really smart and I felt bad that she was dating such an idiot.  I don’t know if it was the filmmakers intent to make her significant other such a douche?  I am not saying he was a complete douche but he was definitely “douchey” and a complete idiot.  Beth started out smart but then this so called biologist by the end of the movie completely ignores everything science has ever taught her.

The story is basically about a young couple on vacation.  They’ve been dropped off on a beautiful tiny tropical looking island off the coast of Australia.  They should have the island to themselves but soon discover they are not alone.

Right away after realizing that they are not alone, Beth has enough common sense to want to get off the island.   However, her dumbass boyfriend Harry played by Henry James convinces her to stay.  At first they think it’s kids messing with them.  Little kids, based on the tiny footprints they found.  However, they soon discover two grown men on the island, obviously bad guys and up to know good.  Our douchey boyfriend decides to confront the bad guys.  Even though they already know that the bad guys have guns.  Even though as they approach they can plainly see at least one automatic rifle that looks a lot like an AK-47.  Still, douchebag boyfriend is screaming at them, threatening them, why the bad guys didn’t shoot him in the damn head right then and there and then have their way with poor Beth is beyond me.

Not learning his lesson, douchebag decides to send Beth out to their boat and look for their missing sat phone while he thinks it will be a good idea to go through the bad guys stuff.   It’s insanely stupid and at this point, they both deserve to die for being so stupid.  Of course the bad guys don’t kill them but that’s only because they sadly don’t get the chance to end this film on a high note.

Uninhabited 2010 Geraldine Hakewill Tight Up On The Beach

This should have been a kinky sex scene with her boyfriend but he just had to send her out on the boat.  What a dumbass.

They have now become convinced it’s these two bad guys that have been messing with all this time.  They are ignoring all the evidence that suggested it wasn’t them.  Like the tiny footprint trail, like the creepy as kid sounds they keep hearing.   It’s just one stupid event after another.

Uninhabited starts slow and never really picks up. It teases us with sexuality that never pays off, and by the time it actually turns into a ghost story, the outcome is pretty obvious and all sense of suspense or even caring for these two characters is long since lost.

This is a bad horror movie no matter how you look at it.  I have found mixed reviews for this film.  I can only assume the good reviews are those that are so infatuated with Geraldine Hakewill that they’ve lost all sense reality when it comes to the worthiness of this film to be watched.

Cast of Characters:
Geraldine Hakewill as Beth
Henry James as Harry
Tasia Zalar as Coral
Bob Baines as Jackson
Billy Milionis as Spiro
Terry Siourounis as Elias

Dark Circles 2013

Dark Circles 2013

Dark Circles 2013…

Dark Circles 2013 DVD CoverHaunted house film about a pair of sleep deprived parents who begin to experience disturbing visions after moving from the city to a country estate. Alex and Penny have just become parents of a baby boy when they decide that the city is no place to raise a child. Relocating to a farmhouse, the couple finds their relationship deteriorating due to the demands of caring for a newborn, including a lack of sleep. When Alex and Penny begin seeing a mysterious woman around the house, they at first dismiss the sightings as hallucinations brought on by sleep deprivation. But as the visions appear more often, the parents are forced to consider that evils are at work in their home. By the time the truth about their new home is revealed, their tenuous grip on sanity has already begun to slip.
Written by John Doe TW

I’m on the bubble again.  I should just flat out say it’s a bad horror movie.  But, it did hold my interest even though Pell James character as Penny was mostly annoying.  She went from bat shit crazy to loveable wife at the drop of a hat.   Her character’s behavior was so frustrating, I just wanted her to die.  I wanted the ghost to just fucking kill her and be done with it. I mean she would do stupid shit and then just turn around and blame her husband Alex, played by Johnathon Schaech.  Some will say, “she’s sleep deprived, it’s not her fault”.  I say, the fuck it isn’t?!  She’s a grown woman, the husband is just as sleep deprived and he puts up with her shit for a long time before he finally starts to give a little back.  And, his “giving a little back” is in the form of trying to help her by getting her some drugs so she would finally shut the fuck and get some sleep.

Even though her character annoyed me because I’ve dated women just like her that always have an excuse for their emotional inappropriate and threatening outburst, I let it go.  For the sake of making it through the film, I rationalized her disgusting behavior as just being sleep deprived.

So, if I except the premise that she’s not a horrible person, it’s just the lack of sleep then why don’t like this film?  Because some things happen that are so stupid, they take me out of the film.  And, worse than that, the movie lies.  It sells you on a premise that isn’t true.  Basically, key facts of the film are lies.  It’s one thing to mislead the audience but when you flat out lie, that’s a bad horror movie.

Some of the stupid things.  Our sleep deprived husband looses his shit and walks next door to the construction site and uses a 2 x4 as a bat to busts up some construction guy’s truck.  The site has been making noise almost every day since they moved in and he finally loses it.  Do the constructions guys get mad and beat the shit out of him like what would happen in real life?  Nope, the foreman is calm, tells the sleep deprived husband that he understands and will try to keep the noise down.  Doesn’t even call the cops on the husband.

Another stupid thing.  They hire a babysitter, she’s hot, there’s no way, no matter how sleep deprived the mom is that she’s going to allow some unknown girl to watch their baby and stay in their home while they sleep. Specially, a hot baby sitter played by Jenn Foreman.  Not gonna happen.  But, once again, I let it go.  She’s tired, husband basically picks up a teen girl from the supermarket and crazy wife is good with it?  Whatever.

Dark Circles 2013 Pell James as Penny

The killer, she’s behind me on the stairs, isn’t she?

Of course that all changes when they wake up in what they think is the next morning.  They later discover it’s a actually a full day later.  They were so tired they slept a full day.  But, Penny the mom goes back to full psycho mode when she sees her baby is covered in shit because his diaper exploded after not being changed in day.  Why has it not been changed?  Because our ghost killed the babysitter.  Now crazy mom instantly blames the husband.  Like she had no say in the matter to hire this babysitter.  When her and hubby sat on the couch together and interviewed the babysitter.  Still, I let it go.

A few days later, crazy mom Penny is being chased through the house by our ghost and stumbles upon the dead babysitter.  At this point, I wonder, did no one smell the corpse that must be starting to smell pretty ripe by this point.  Apparently not.  Once again, I let it go.  Even when instead of taking the drugs her husband tried to force on her, for her own good, she instead uses them to secretly drug the husband.  I let it go.  She’s done with him at this point.  He can live or die as far as crazy mom Penny is concerned.  Of course that lasts for about minute.  As soon as the ghost comes after her, she’s all back in love with her husband and trying to wake him up and crying for him to be okay.  Yet, again, I let it go.

Crazy Mom Penny and Husband Alex

Sorry I drugged you baby, please wake up, I love you again.

Then the I discover that we have been lied to this whole time.  Our ghost isn’t a ghost.  She too is a crazy lady and has just escaped from a mental institution.  She lost her baby and went crazy insane.  So all the ghost things this lady has done.  All just imagined by our crazy mom Penny and husband Alex.  All the times the ghost took the baby and then magically brought it right back, I guess it was all in crazy mom’s head.  And, that my friends was the last straw for me.

As I have said, a good film can misdirect you.  The best example for this is The Sixth Sense.  It didn’t lie to us.  The film is very good about going back and showing us how we what we had seen wasn’t what really happened.  Dark Circles just flat out lies to us and suggests that what we saw was just both crazy mom and husbands delusions.  That is total bullshit.  They could have done it without lying and it would have made this a really good horror movie.  But, instead they took the easy way out and cheated.

I will say the acting is really good.  The creepy mood throughout the film is set well.  And, for all the bitching I have done about crazy mom Penny, it was Pell James acting that sold me that she was crazy.  I wouldn’t have been so pissed off at her character if I didn’t believe her as Penny.  Any time an actor can actually take a character and make you feel some emotion for them, good or bad, they are a great actor.  So, if you can ignore the flaws, the stupid behavior and being lied to, check out the film.  If you like it, let me know why you do.  Maybe I am wrong?  Maybe I missed something?  But, if you’re limited in time and don’t want to risk it, please, watch something else instead.

Cast of Characters:
Johnathon Schaech as Alex
Pell James as Penny
Philippe Brenninkmeyer as Michael
Jennifer Foreman as Nancy
Andrea Frankle as Johanna

Coffin Baby 2013

Coffin Baby 2013

Coffin Baby 2013…

Coffin Baby 2013Coffin Baby (aka Coffin Baby – The Toolbox Killer Is Back) is a 2013 American horror film written and directed by Dean C. Jones and starring Bruce Dern, Brian Krause, Clifton Powell, and Ethan Phillips. It has been represented as a sequel to 2004’s Toolbox Murders, but is not. The majority of the footage in the film was shot for Toolbox Murders 2, the sequel to the 2004 film in which the eponymous toolbox killer, Coffin Baby, resumes his gruesome killing spree from the first film. Actor Christopher Doyle reprises his 2004 role as Coffin Baby.[1][2][3][4] However, distribution of Coffin Baby has been stopped by agreement between Dean Jones and the producers of Toolbox Murders 2.

I have a confession to make.  I saw the Toolbox Murders when it first came out on DVD.  Thought it was okay.  I only recall the very basics about it because Juliet Landau was in it and any self respecting Buffy fan knows who she is.  At the time I started watching Coffin Baby last night, I had no idea it was intended to be a sequel to anything and I had no recollection that the TBK in the first film was named Coffin Baby.  I mean, the name of the first movie was, Toolbox Killer why in the hell would he have two names?  So, I can honestly say that my review of Coffin Baby is not based on the merits or lack there of the first film.  I will suggest that if you’re going to find Coffin Baby maybe watching The Toolbox Murders from 2004 first will somehow make Coffin Baby a better film.

Coffin Baby is gory.  The special effects aren’t amazing or ground breaking but they will be good enough to make the average person squirm a little.  The acting isn’t great but I think that has more to do with the director using bad takes.  I am sure the film had a tight budget and it was a shoot and go set.  So, it’s understandable.  What bothered me were the, poor character decisions, stereo typical police detectives and Bruce Dern’s character.

Our heroine Samantha Forester played decently by Chauntal Lewis did some some really stupid things.  The main mistake was that after being asked by one of the detectives to go with an officer to the station, she decides, while being driven to the station, that she just has to be taken to the crime scene instead. Of course the idiot cop driving her gives in to her whines and says okay.  Had she just shut the hell up and done what they nice detective asked, none of this would have happened.  Such as life.  Let that be a lesson kids, just do what the cop says and chances are you will live to see another day.

Another stand out and yet another horrible cliche is always assuming the killer is actually dead after you think that you killed him.  How many times do we see our film hero stab, shoot, or beat to death the killer only to have the killer come back to life while our hero is standing near by contemplating the tragic events.  Well, this movie is no different.

Then there was Bruce Dern’s characters.  A religious nutjob who would rather stand and pray than run away.  His character was a true hypocrite.  Telling others they need to take the righteous path and then when faced that choice himself, he fails miserably.  I don’t even think that was intentional by the film makers, I think it was just bad writing.  This guy asks someone to risk their life to go find this creepy little girl and like an idiot the person does.  Later the two of them are together looking for the creepy girl, they find her but the killer comes around the corner and the first fucking person to say we have to get out of here and starts running  away, leaving the little girl, is Dern’s characters.   It was hypocrisy unnoticed.  It wasn’t acknowledged in the film therefore I am positive the writer didn’t even get what he did.

One thing I want to mention is Chauntal Lewis as Samantha Forester again.  Her performance her isn’t bad.  As I said, I think there just wasn’t time for a lot of takes in the budget.  That being said, her descent into crazy town I thought was pretty good.  My problems lie with the writing.  She’s going to crazy town in a hurry, arrives and then all of sudden without reason, she’s back in action and not acting crazy anymore.  One scene she’s having a conversation with her decapitated boyfriend, kissing him and shortly there after she’s plotting her escape and acting completely sane.  Just not very well written but that shouldn’t be taken out on the work done by Chauntal Lewis.  She made the very best of weak script in my opinion

Coffin Baby 2013 with Chauntal Lewis as Samantha Forester

Giving Head. You’re doing it wrong.

If you’re looking for some gore, some torture and what could have been a really interesting story with a little better writing than get this movie!  And, if you’re a stoner, I can only imagine the fun you will have watching this movie if you are in fact stoned.  But, if you’re looking for an intelligently written movie that doesn’t insult your intelligence, this movie will just frustrate you all the way through it.  But, then again, if you’re are looking for an intelligent horror movie, why would you be watching something called “Coffin Baby”.

Cast of Characters:
Bruce Dern as Vance Henrickson
Brian Krause as Detective Chad Cole
Clifton Powell as Detective S. Jackson
Chauntal Lewis as Samantha Forester
Christopher Doyle as Coffin Baby
Ethan Phillips as Coroner B. Jones
Ron Chaney as Detective L. Wehage
Isabelle Freitheim as Sabrina Forester
Allison Kyler as Amy Weinstein
Whitney Anderson as Winter Jones
Dean Jones as H. Bogart
Mychal Thompson as Rodney W. Smith
Douglas Tait as CB double

Coffin Baby and Samantha